She always understands

Dreamt of Ma last night. Don’t really remember much about the dream. Her face was all I could revoke and conjure up. Woke up with this heaviness in my heart, this familiar density and sickening weight. After her death I would often wrap myself up with her clothes and try to breathe in long andContinue reading “She always understands”

Signs

”We all think we’re going to be great. And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But, sometimes, our expectations sell us short. Sometimes, the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations. Because the expected is just what keeps us steady…Continue reading “Signs”

I am my subject, shall remain..

      There’s a moment right before you wake up……It’s a moment of absolute nothingness, completely white and opaque. It lasts for a fraction of a second but you sometimes wish you could live in that second forever. It’s an instant devoid of feeling, the only occasion when you can actually stop time inContinue reading “I am my subject, shall remain..”

I am stronger and better than you!

To: Molester. Hope i am affixed in your memory. Or maybe i am mistaken. Because i ain’t the first milestone down your dingy dark alley. You’ve ”been there, done that” a dozen times haven’t you?  Still, face me now. Here i am. Remember me?  Yes you do. I am the one you verbally abused andContinue reading “I am stronger and better than you!”

This Left Feels Right !!!

  ‘Hey Anger! How you been, girl? Petty, shameless, and basic? Cool! Glad to hear things are still the same!’ Isn’t anger such a basic bitch of an emotion though? And I should know: I’m proud to say I’ve been profoundly angry several thousand (if not million) times in my life, because I can beContinue reading “This Left Feels Right !!!”

I want to feel it all…

 My boy turns 16 today and as i fly away inside my head to a place that sits on the border of reality a quiet storm rises in my chest. I pause. I inhale. I feel a slight twinge of pain. He is growing up, growing up fast. It’s not been easy, i was barelyContinue reading “I want to feel it all…”

Time to move forward…

Recapitulating the past can provide a lot of comfort and confirmation. We can work out our family of origin issues, and neuroses, and past life traumas with our shrink or our shaman. We can talk talk talk it out all day long (I know, I’ve done it). We can trace the cause of your woundsContinue reading “Time to move forward…”

Gratitude!

November, monday morning! I woke up feeling clueless, introverted and extroverted in equal measure. The weekend consisted of meeting some of my long-time favorite cousins and friends ( david, mili, pori ), meeting few fabulous new-to-me faces, bit of public speaking and the natural anxiety that begets, and plenty of general socialization and high –Continue reading “Gratitude!”