After a trauma, loss of a loved one, your body is at its most vulnerable. And the response time is critical. So you’re suddenly surrounded by people….doctors, family, friends, everyone putting you back together again. But all this noise is a trauma in and of itself, and once it’s over, the real healing begins. This phase is called recovery. Recovery is not a team sport, It’s a solitary distance run. It’s long. It’s exhausting and it’s lonely as hell.
”The length of your recovery is determined by the extent of your injuries and is not always successful. No matter how hard we work at it, some wounds might never fully heal. You might have to adjust to a whole new way of living. Things may have changed too radically to ever go back to what they were. You might not even recognize yourself. It’s like you haven’t recovered anything at all. You’re a whole new person with a whole new life.”
I have hated July since the day I was born. I don’t know but maybe that’s the way it was. Never liked the excruciating heat. Never liked the sudden downpours on my birthdays. The vacations, the homeworks, the powercuts, the jackfruits. Hated everything about July. I lost my father on 13th July, 2010. He left me thirteen days after my birthday. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer just twenty days after dad’s demise. Lost her as well. Life.
Fresh start, clean slate, a world of possibilities but no matter what new adventure you’re embarking on, you’re still you. You bring you into every new beginning in your life so how different can it possibly be? Nothing’s easy about starting over. Nothing at all. The truth is you can build a house out of anything, make it as strong as you want. But a home…a home is more fragile. A home is made of the people you fill it with. And mine were gone. And I was broken.
But what’s broken can also be mended. What’s hurt can also be healed. That no matter how dark it gets, the sun is going to rise again. Writing and words and reading and life have taught me so much. But what I’m learning the most is the importance of connections. Relationships are so important — the ones that are real and true. The people who fight for you and fight with you and celebrate with you and sit next to you when you are in the thick of life. The ones who cheer you on and practice happiness and grace when they, themselves, are struggling to find their own. People matter, conversations matter, words matter.
The truth behind it all is that people will never stay as long as you want them to. But I’ll tell you a secret: they’ll always stay as long as you need them to. That’s something I keep learning over and over again. You will meet people who will turn your life upside down. They’ll come in, they’ll teach you something, you’ll grow and laugh and learn from them. And you’ll wonder where the hell they were before you met them. They’ll be incredible forces in your life. And sometimes, as quickly as they came by, they’ll leave. And it’s disheartening and unfair and sometimes cruel, but you’ll carry in your heart that you are better because of them. You’ll keep their memories, their wisdom, and their words.
These are the least pearls of wisdom I can give you for now.
“There’s a trick to the ‘graceful exit.’ It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over — and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out.”
My birthday on July 1st this year brought me peace. Yes the sun was strong but I liked it…..it lighted up the whole sky. There was this quiet gentle breeze that drifted warmly across the face leaving it refreshed. It rained for a while but i didn’t quite mind it coming, I made peace with the little drizzle, or to put it in the words of Vladimir Nabokov,
“Do not be angry with the rain; it simply does not know how to fall upwards.”
I am grateful for people who continue to show me what friendship and loyalty and love and compassion are all about. I’m thankful for the people who love me unconditionally. I’m thankful for forgiveness and for the ability to let go. What would i do without your ”second”, ”third” and ”twelfth” chances!
Life after dad and ma was about ” transition ”. The years after 2010 were about learning to transition my life after the tragedies. Life from here will be about movement, and progression, and being present. It will be about steady and graceful balance. Taking both baby steps and giant leaps into the blind unknown. It will be about showing up. It will be about building relationships, maintaining old ones, and being present with the people in my life. It will be about continuing to balance on that tight rope, rolling with the punches, and expressing gratitude. 2015 will be about transitioning into this next phase of my life. It will be about unrelenting strength in the face of the unknown. In the face of all odds — and isn’t that what life should always be about?