Signs

”We all think we’re going to be great. And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But, sometimes, our expectations sell us short. Sometimes, the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected.

You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations. Because the expected is just what keeps us steady… standing… still. The expected is just the beginning.

The unexpected… is what changes our lives.”

Grey’s Anatomy

 

A year ago, sometime in the beginning of January winters, I recall myself sitting on the edge of my bed, basking in the faint glow of my laptop screen. I was a bit haunted, by the little blue publish button which was begging me to simply click it. It was my first attempt at a public blog after years of scribbling in tattered notebooks and diaries. I was hysterical, frantic to say the least.

I was going through a phase of retrospection back then.  I was clouded by the regret of  not-so-gracefully transitioning and continuing with the vision I had of what my life would be like. Ofcourse I had everything but it wasn’t enough. And  ‘enough’ meant revisiting dreams and plans I made for myself as a little girl. The truth of the matter was, despite my accomplishments, despite the very clear path that laid ahead of me, my heart still ached for wishes I made into the night sky as a kid. I needed a home for the thoughts that stampeded through my head everyday. I needed a home to cultivate and nurture creativity. I needed a home to do what I swore to myself I always would: to write. To keep writing. To never give up on words. I came to this space thinking if I could just write out what was going on, it would fix me. That somehow words on a screen sent out to whomever cared enough to read would somehow heal me. And it sure did. I started this blog because I was broken and tired and needed an outlet to vent. The notebooks I carried around with me everywhere I went just wasn’t doing my thoughts any justice. And here I am today.

 

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The All India ranking of my blog has obviously given a tremendous boost. And the ” never enough ” bag is filling up, with peace, satisfaction, happiness, gratitude. I guess the signs were everywhere. They were invisible when I wanted them to jump out right in front of me, but in some strange ways they existed which i couldn’t figure out. Eventually we have to believe that life, in all its sticky and messy glory, is meant for something so much bigger. That even on the worst of days, when we are stuck between two boulders, unsure of which way is out, it still means something.

Just when we think we’ve figured things out, the universe throws us a curveball. So we have to improvise. We find happiness in unexpected places. We find our way back to the things that matter the most. The universe is funny that way. Sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong.”

Meanwhile keep reading the signs.

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