“I believe there is worth in suffering alone to find clarity, but I also believe there are endless roads to wisdom.”
It was an unusually quiet morning as i sip my coffee in my cabin trying to dig deep into the above stated quieter truth stated by mandy. There was this picture infront of me,an island standing out to sea, wearing America’s age of sail as a flag of defiance. A chart takes a small part of the vast expanse of the sea that surrounds it and shows what lies beneath the calms and tempests that roam through. Some photographs, like soundings,indeed bring you to the world of wood and steel and salt and snow taking you a little farther off the shores of the here and now to a time that was, is and will be.
The peace is broken and in comes my friend. When I started writing this I was listening to my friend tell me about,yet another questionable relationship he’d gotten himself into. Once again, he was telling me that a woman he was dating turned out NOT to be who she originally claimed to be. God had given him signs; little
“happenings” here and there that were intended to slow him down and
prove that the relationship might not be what God had for him, but he
longs for a mate so bad that he ignored the signs and kept pressing
forward…again. So there we were, having a conversation about how he is
disappointed in another relationship that’s gone “bad.”
As I began to reflect on some of my own past relationships, I was
reminded of something dad had asked me several years ago, “What is it
on the inside of you that makes you susceptible to these types of
relationships? What is the root? What is it that makes YOU put YOU in
these situations?” What I came to realize about myself was humbling…
I was desperate..
I was so desperate to have the person in my life that I was compromising.I was
clinging to relationships I KNEW were not ultimately what I wanted
because I was trying to fill a void. Little did I know, that void
could only be filled by surrendering that part of my life to God, and
facing things about myself that I had been running from; things that
made me vulnerable in this area. If you feel there is a void in your
life, whatever you are turning to in order to fill it is a cheap
imitation of what God would do if you turned to Him. Desperation for
things or people will only leave you disappointed. The only thing we
should be desperate for is an intimate relationship with God.
As far as relationships, I have learned that when a man/woman causes
you to act out of character (degrade not upgrade); do things you would
usually oppose; and/or neglect your purpose/calling, then that
relationship is not the will of God.
You can sit around and talk about the other person’s faults and wrong
doings all day long, but until you get down to the root of why YOU
keep subjecting yourself to relationships that are not good for you,
you ain’t talking about nothing. Don’t be desperate…be destined!
My friend didn’t like what i said,chose to leave. I looked at the table,the photo of the island was still looking at me,as if asking me to explore the place considered lost or never found and bringing back the maps of their quieter truths.